that’s it i’m done

I don’t even know how to explain myself anymore. My heart is hurting without you. It hurts so much to see you happy with her and not with me.

Merry Christmas

amidnight-dreary:

I hope everyone has the most wonderful holiday today!

Surround yourself with love and happiness, and if you feel alone and your heart weighs heavy with sadness, know that I still hold you dear to my heart!

I wish everyone the best, and you should pass it on.

I texted him today

at 2am wishing him a Merry Christmas. No happy faces. No emoticons. Just Merry Christmas. He texted me back… at 4am saying the same thing back, no happy faces nor emotions. I wonder though, why did he text me back at that time? I was hoping for a text back later that morning or possibly even in the afternoon. I don’t know though, I just wanted to pour out all my feelings to him, but I know he won’t have the slightest bit of care in the world anymore. This is not a good feeling to be having on Christmas, it really isn’t. I don’t know what to do with my life anymore.

I just hope I don’t think about him today while I’m out trying to enjoy Christmas with family… Ugh, who am I kidding? I know I’ll think about him some point throughout the day, why wouldn’t I? I always think about him, ALWAYS. 

I want to let go, but at the same time, I just can’t. I really can’t. I want him back, I need him back. He’s a part of me. This really fucking sucks..